In Case of a Zombie Apocalypse

They're coming!!!  You can check out what you need to do to prepare for such an event on the CDC's website.  Fortunately for myself, I have been preparing for such an event for years by watching many zombie themed films.  I know that there are 2 basic types of Zombies: 1. those that just sort of shuffle around and moan a lot (such as those found in "Shaun of the Dead") and 2. those that are indeed dead and trying to comsume their neighbors for dinner, but who can still run with gazelle-like agility (such as those found in the 2004 version of "Dawn of the Dead"). 

I'm fairly certain that if the apocalypse involves zombies from category #1 I would be able to survive quite easily.  You see, these zombies use a sort of "swarming" technique.  The solution?  Stay away from them.  It wouldn't be difficult to stay ahead of such a hoarde since they're slow moving and slow witted.  In fact, in one scene of "Shaun of the Dead" the survivors just shuffle around and moan and are able to trick the zombies into thinking that they themselves are zombies.

Surviving an attack involving zombies from category #2 would be trickier.  These zombies are not only faster than their counterparts in category #1, but they are also smarter and more agile.  Category #2 zombies use their superior intellect to ambush living people as well as to deduce how to get into buildings where survivors have holed up.  And they are relentless.  Because they're dead they don't really have much else to occupy their time. 

So, the best solution I've been able to come up with is to get yourself to a wide-open space where you can't be cornered/surrounded easily.  This should be relatively easy for myself since, as I've mentioned before, we live in Southern Alberta.  There's nothing but wide-open space here.  Better yet, I've just decided that my new plan is to head for Saskatchewan.  That way we'll be able to see any zombies coming for days before they reach us (to any Saskatchewan-ites who may be reading this, just kidding).  Also, make sure you have plenty of guns and ammunition for those guns.  Make sure you aim for the head because severing the spinal column and/or causing massive trauma to the brain are the only ways to actually "kill" a zombie.  And as we learned in "Zombieland" don't be afraid to use the "double-tap" if you doubt that your first shot did the job.
 
If you are lucky enough to survive the zombie apocalypse and choose to band together with other survivors to attempt to restart civiliation, just remember that constant vigilence is the key.  As I mentioned before, the zombies are relentless and will attempt to breach your stronghold.  And, as we saw in "Land of the Dead" they could eventually start to remember their past lives and get smart enough to launch a coordinated assault.
 
Now that you are more prepared, continue on with your daily activities, but I should also let you know: